| Where did she go, I wanna know...where did Marie go? |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|10:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
Marie's boyfriend is over all the time and I can't take it!!! AhhhHH!!! We never spend time together anymore, it's really sad. I see more of her dirty dishes than I do of just her. Her boyfriend even showers here now. If this becomes a regular occurrence, I am going to suggest that he starts paying for 1/4 of the water and electric bill because I sure as hell don't want to pay for him to wash his ball sweat.
Blah. I'm so stressed out from school that I can feel it in my gut.
I feel happy at this point in my new life outlook but am lonely for male companionship. I don't want just any guy to fill it though. I want a special one. :) The wait begins... |
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| No more srubs |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|12:16 am] |
I must have a sign plastered across my forehead that says: "Attention all assholes: Use me and abuse me." Because that is all that happens. I am SICK and TIRED of having pseudo relationships with guys who don't recognize my worth and who can't respect me. I am DONE.
Travis is being such an asshole. I don't understand. He's done a complete 180 in his behavior. I never would've guessed he would treat me so poorly. So much pain, with everyman. No more pain, please. I can't take it anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|12:16 pm] |
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Facebook is the demise of my emotional existence. Don is listed as in a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with. It's painful to know that he likes her more than he liked me. It hurts that he never even mentioned he cared about me or wanted to be with me during those six months but had no problem with her in less than three. If this thing with Travis is just a fling, I will crumble. I cannot take more hurt right now. I cannot take one more guy using me for their pleasure. With each one, I sit around hoping that maybe one day they will care for me. But they never do. |
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| What's that stain? ....Beer. |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
This afternoon I realized that I was wearing jeans with a beer stain on it hahaha. |
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| This is the end, beautiful friend, this is the end |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|01:00 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "The End" - The Doors...in my head | ] |
Don and I broke up. He'd been seeing other girls behind my back, supposedly. What a coward. I knew from the beginning this would happen but I decided to follow for heart instead of my head for once. What we had was definitely fun, so I hold no ounce of regret. Luckily my heart isn't broken, just fractured and bleeding. I already miss him so much and it completely hurts because I still care about him. Time will heal this. And hopefully someone better will come along. Hopefully one day he'll realize what/who he lost.
The time that we hung out before we ended things, The Doors were playing in the background. "The End" came on. As the lyrics "This is the end, beautiful friend, this is the end, my only friend" spoke softly through the speakers, it hit me in the deepest pit of my stomach because I knew it was the end. Holding his body through the rest of the song, dread filled mine as I knew it was only a matter of time before we wouldn't be looking into each other's eyes for too much longer. |
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| Je crie |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|07:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Straight Lines" - Silverchair | ] |
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
I wish I could go to the top of some hill and scream to let this all out. Release the angst. Release the emotions that have been circulating throughout my body for the past few months. They are so intense that I do not know how to deal with them. If only this could pass. But to be happy is so hard. I can't seem to get myself to do it. I am never satisfied with anything. Why is it so difficult to me happy for me? These are dumb teenage high school problems that should not be presenting themselves as a junior in college!
I submitted my two weeks at the restaurant today. It seems like this day couldn't come soon enough. Waitressing isn't my "thang", hah. Only a mere 3 weeks before I am back into my life in Corvallis. Also, it is ridiculous that at OSU, you have to be an art major or minor to take art classes. How horrible is that, to stifle people's creativity? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|10:46 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "Mr. Jones" - Counting Crows | ] |
I'm ready to fall in love. If only I could let myself... |
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| Two tears |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad, depressed, lonely | ] |
I miss him so much right now that it hurts. All I want is to be with him. Its going on three weeks since our last visit...it has been too long. I need to hear his voice and feel his touch to be complete. That sounds so pathetic but its true. I'm lovesick. Sad all the time. I can't even fucking sleep. And nothing will make me happy right now other than to see his face. |
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| Zac is handsome |
[Aug. 14th, 2007|08:07 pm] |
Zac Hanson is quite sexy in their appearance on Tom Green show online. Taylor's face was scrunched, looking like he was angry about not singing lead haha. Loser.
I miss Project Runway this summer. What happened to it this season?
PS: Go check out Hanson's new album, "The Walk". It is a good one this time around. :) |
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| Birth control problems |
[Jun. 29th, 2007|08:54 pm] |
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Ladies, is anyone on a birth control that they like? I'm currently taking Aviane and am experiencing many side-effects, with emotional problems being the WORST! I don't feel like myself, I'm always depressed, angry, and paranoid. I can't seem to be happy and tears seem like they come instantly. Please suggest something that has worked for you! |
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| What is wrong? |
[May. 31st, 2007|05:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
I've been degrading myself lately. I don't know why or where it is coming from. My confidence is basically (which makes no sense at all). And I've been so melancholy. It is impossible to enjoy the sunny weather with such a down outlook. Maybe the birth control is fucking with my head. |
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| Huge naner |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007|10:57 pm] |
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The banana that I just ate was so large that after the second bite, it split in half and fell between my cleavage. |
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| Doin' Crazy Love |
[Mar. 9th, 2007|10:49 am] |
I concocted a wonderful alcoholic drink last night:
Doin' Crazy Love
By Ashley
1 part vodka
2 parts cranberry juice
1 part pineapple juice
a pour or two of Squirt
Shake with ice and pour into martini glass.
WONDERFUL DELICIOUSNESS. I'm a genius when it comes to making drinks....really. |
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| Taking the Walk |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|10:27 pm] |
Generally, I'm a very happy person. Not many things bother me, and if they do it is for a short time. I can always find the good and stay positive.
But there comes a time (or times) in everyone's life where you feel like you are hopelessly lonely, bored and depressed...and today is one of those times. Small things make the days better, as little happy moments pass the time. But the bigger picture is a mess, a sad, pitifull mess. For some reason, the metaphor of a gleaming trough of food in a messy pig pin comes to mind. I'm currently a said, pitifull mess with random troughs of food giving me hope and strength.
I am desperately waiting for someone to change me. I've spent so much time on myself--too much, infact. I'm tired of me. I'm ready for you. I'm waiting to share my love and make our lives beautiful again. |
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| Sumo nipples |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|04:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
There's an ad on Myspace for a game, with a cartoon sumo wrestler and two guys standing beside him, looking as if they are pinching the nipples (I almost typed nooples lmfao) of his jiggling man boobs. This is was going to be the humor highlight of my day--a sumo nipple pinching game!! But sadly, it turned out to be a sumo belly slapping game. :(
The past couple of times I've been at the gym getting buff and sexy, I've seen this guy, we shall call him Mr. Hot Lip Ring. He is tall, muscular but natural looking, slightly tan with medium brown hair and has a hot lip ring that compliments his gorgeous face. I would do him...in the locker room, no questions asked. He is my dream come true. SO, this afternoon he gets on the machine facing me as I was stretching. I made sure to do all the right sexual stretches, the bending-over-showing-cleavage and the classic sticking-booty-in-air. But I also made sure to do real ones that showed I was skilled and had balance and control. And cleavage. Heh :) |
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| Ew. |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|10:28 am] |
I hate this holiday and everything associated with it. Not only am I reminded of my loneliness everyday, but today it smacks me in the face.
...don't most of us? |
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| So sad, so alone, so....the same |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely & depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ludwig Van Beethoven | ] |
Everything's different but nothing's changed. Didn't Hanson say that in a song? Anyway, my emotions have been all over the place. Going from "I'm so happy!!!! I love life!!!" to "Ugh, I am so miserable with this boredem and loneliness." I want something to look foward to.
Edit / My roommate used one of my nice Crate & Barrel washclothes for a fucking cum rag for her boyfriend. I am fucking PISSED. That is NOT okay. I put that on my face! You just don't wipe off cum with expensive cotton, use a god damn sock or something. NOT A NICE WASHCLOTH THAT IS YOUR ROOMMATES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. |
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| Winter is HERE! |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|03:50 pm] |
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IT'S SNOWING SO HARD RIGHT NOW AND I FREAKING LOVE IT. SNow is so relaxing and beautiful to me. It makes me feel sssoooosososo good. I'm happy. :) |
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